Drifting

I feel like I am drifting

Not really here at all

Feel as if only watching

Feeling really small

I can’t seem to change

Everyday almost the same

I know it don’t make sense

I know I seem very lame

But it’s the way I feel

Like I am only watching life

I have the greatest man

He deserves a proper wife

I feel as if I can’t improve

On quality of things around me

I know I am lucky to have him

My future I cannot see

I know this is the happiest I’ve been

But I still get so sad

I think I need a break from things

I feel like I am going mad

No matter what I say or do

Nothing goes my way

Every time I feel happy

Something ruins the day

Sometimes it’s me being sick

Sometimes it’s not me at all

But it feels like it’s my fault

I am hitting a brick wall

I don’t seem to make him happy

Or my sons happiness too

How do I stop this crap?

I just don’t know what to do

I tried to change some things

But it just isn’t enough

I know life is hard

But does it have to be this rough

Copyright ©2005 Rebecca Rowe

Only God Knows Why

I just received an email

And in it was said

That only god knows why

As I lay here on my bed.

I lay here thinking why then

Why can’t you tell me?

What aren’t I allowed to know?

Why can’t you let me see?

I want to know your reasons

I want to know simply why

Should I just accept it?

And sit here and cry?

I think I deserve to know

The reason you took my boys

They should be here with me

Playing with their toys.

They should be sleeping here

In beds of their own

Instead my little maddi

Is a child, all on his own?

He has brothers, three

He can’t play with the boys

Because they are gone now

So where is his joy?

One you let be taken

By his dad far away

And two more you took

Up to heaven to stay.

I didn’t get to say good-bye

I didn’t get to say a thing

You just took them with no warning

I still feel the sting.

So can you answer me why?

And who gave you the right

To take my babies away

While I slept at night.

Was I not a good mum?

Did I not treat them good?

I tried very hard

And did all I thought I could.

Please wont you answer me

Tell me why its so

Why they couldn’t stay here

Why do I have to feel so low?

Will I ever be happy?

I can’t see if I can

For my children are my life

I feel I am only ½ a woman.

I have a space in my heart

Than can not be filled

No matter how much I try

Not since the day my boys were killed.